My mind was racing. What was Lou doing in his office? We told each other our secrets but I hadn’t told her anything about Mr. Emerson…I was full of curiosity just looking at the two of them there, opposite each other. Lou had a book open and I couldn’t hear what they were saying. Was it poetry and Whitman or something else? I thought about leaving but was glued to the spot…FINISH DAMN YOU LOU…was my thought. Then I felt ashamed…she was my best friend after all and they were just reading. Then I remembered that is what I had been doing when things got out of hand. She stood up, closed her book and walked past me out the door…she winked at me and smiled…a thrill went through me…what did she know? I was really nervous that she might know something but how could she?“Come in, Sherry,” he said. I got up and walked in, closing and locking the little office door as I did and stood beside him. I knew I was blushing and he took my hand, saying: “You look especially nice, Sherry.” . Thick. Big asses, especially for white people. 'Yougot your ass from her,' the source of faggot thoughts in my head said.'Shake what your momma gave you.'Also started becoming conscious of men behind me. How could I not. Blackmen especially. That made me feel vulnerable and small. That madesomething stir in my clit, that's for sure. I was constantly looking formirrors to do pantyline checks. I wasn't sure if I wanted my pantiesshowing through my jeans or not. I mean, probably not. I was alwaysrelieved when I could tell myself my panties weren't showing. But if theydid show, and men checked me and my ass out..I was always a little disappointed when I couldn't tell myself my pantieswere showing.My pussy was almost always aching. I was, sick as it sounds, proud that Icould get through a day without diving into a bathroom to jam some fingersup my cunt. Because as soon as I got home, I rushed past my mom, into mybedroom, and slamdanced my jiggly ass with that dildo. Begging.
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